Blog #46: Fake Friend Facebook Filter
Sunday May 12, 2013
Here it is Mother’s Day.
I have no children in which to celebrate this day with their mom.
Nor do I have a wife to even have kids with.
Today marks one year that Christina broke up with me over the phone, telling me that she was better off alone.
In a previous post, I wrote that I didn’t want to write about her anymore. Truth is, I’m still mourning the loss of that relationship. It’s affecting how I view future relationships, and has made me so much more untrusting of someone new. Whether I think I know them, or not.
I don’t know whether to thank it, or condemn it.
Facebook serves as a portal into the friendships that I think I have. It sucks.
The friendships, that is.
Quite a few of my “friends” on Facebook are from work. Most are quite active in their postings, and comments/comment replies (on their own postings).
It’s a smack in the face when I try to reach out, and correspond with someone, with whom I thought I had a pretty good friendship with (within the boundaries of the work place), only to get ignored. With the implementation of letting the sender of a private message know when the recipient has seen said message, Facebook allows me, the sender, to know the date and time my message was viewed. Much in the way that AOL email used to be between AOL members.
I’m not the type of Facebooker that clicks on ‘Add As Friend’ just because I know you through work. Unless we talk a lot, and seem to have a lot in common, I won’t send you a friend request. If it’s an attractive co-worker that is on Facebook, I’m even less likely to send a friend request for fear of coming off as creepy, or having ulterior motives. Being 41 and a single guy generally raises flags for women of any age. So again, unless I have conversation with a woman and we seem to have a nice flow to it, and have some things in common, I won’t bother sending the friend request. I might, however, send a message to say Hi!, and if we have mutual friends, I can use that as a means to break the ice (as far as a Facebook hello is concerned).
I’m finding, though, that I’m not the friend to some people that I thought I was. One gal I’ve known through work for over eight years now, and we have talked a lot over the years whenever I get her store, and she’s there. We’ve talked about work, ghost stories, kayaking, vacation spots…stuff like that.
When I first saw her on Facebook last year, her profile is set so that unless you’re her friend, you can’t see her friends, you can’t see her profile info., you can’t see her pictures, and you can’t send her a message. Heck, ever her ‘Add As Friend’ button is missing. So there’s no way to let her know that I’m on Facebook, too.
I saw her a week or so later, and brought it up. She said that she has her security settings that way so that she doesn’t get bothered by everyone. I didn’t want to seem like I wanted to stalk her, so I didn’t ask her to look me up via my email address. Basically, I just let it go, and didn’t bring it up again.
A month or so ago, I friended another co-worker, and he happened to have this gal on his friends list, too…he was our first mutual friend, and suddenly her ‘Message’ button appeared, so I was able to send her a quick hello. Now, in the meantime, her and I had seen each other quite a bit, and our conversation was always the same: pleasant and fun.
She’s married and has a daughter. I’m not interested in anything other than a platonic friendship with her. We don’t have much time to really talk during my time at the store, so I thought it’d be awesome to correspond with her in a more relaxed setting, when time allows it for her.
My message to her was read, and never replied to. Not a word.
I’ve not seen her since this happened, as I’ve not been routed to deliver to her store.
I don’t get it. Isn’t it common courtesy to respond to someone when they write to you??? Perhaps it is, but only if you want to, right?
Ok, now I know where I stand.
Another gal from the company….this one I’ve been attracted to ever since she started as a cashier. She’s worked her way up through the ranks, and now has her own store. She’s engaged, and has a daughter, and is off limits for me. Even when she was single, I knew she was out of my league, so I played the “nice guy” role, of which is my default personality anyway. I never flirted with her, or used sexual innuendos around her (unlike some of the other drivers I work with, who have talked dirty to her, and flirted continuously with her). When she signed up for Facebook, we became Facebook friends, and every so often I’d send a quick message to say hi and see how shes doing. And she would write me back.
All of a sudden that stopped. I would see her at the store on occasion, and she’d be the same towards me as always…ask me how I was, if I’d been on any kayak trips lately…stuff we always talk about and catch up on….but back at home on Facebook, she would read my messages, and not bother to write me back. I now have five messages that I’ve sent her over the last year that have gone ignored.
I do believe that my co-workers are only friendly and nice to me because they feel they have to be, or they don’t want to hurt my feelings. Please, I’d rather you snub me in real life, instead of play act to my face, and then turn around and ignore me outside of work or on Facebook. Trust me, I can take it.
At least I know where I stand with these people.
Shari still hasn’t un-friended me, either.
I’m thinking about sending her another message, flat out asking her what the problem is. And of course, not in a mean or accusing way. I am truly perplexed as to what happened to cause her to give me the cold shoulder all of a sudden.
She has a birthday coming up in June, so I’m debating on either waiting until then to message her, or maybe beforehand, allowing me to make a decision about sending her a b-day card, or taking matters into my own hand and un-friending her myself.
How sad is it that it takes Facebook to bring to light who my true friends are?